Me + Dating = disaster!

Well hello again ....would you like to be amused by my dating attempts? You would? Then sit back and enjoy!
Let me see.....it may be best if I go from most recent backwards....
My latest date was a coffee date with a Facebook friend, I thought it went well, we mentioned looking forward to future dates and when I returned home I posted a similar comment on my wall which he liked...promising eh? Yes, then suddenly he deleted me as a friend with no explanation....NOBODY does this to me so I sent him a friend request with a message of 'let's be friends I can take it if you don't want another date' - he accepted my request and apologized, awwwwwww, then I deleted him! (It's the principal of the thing!)
Prior to that was an online flirty friendship, with comments made by him that gave me the courage to ask him out...his reply? 'I have just started seeing someone'!
(seeing the pattern yet?)
Then there was the 2 friends that....oh wait no that wasn't a disaster!
Now the following are in no particular order....
There was the man who I actually went on 2 dates with (why?!) On the first date, I picked him up in my car which had black and red seats of which he asked if I knew they were that colour before I bought the car, then I fell over on the way to the restaurant and sat at the table pressing napkins to my bleeding knees (am I good at first impressions or what?!) We then went to his local, which was actually one end of Douglas Prom whilst he lived way over at the other end (huh?!) which turned out to be the local for his ex and her new man! The second date was a homecooked meal at his, the food was nice....that was the only good bit! He finished my sentences for me (wrongly) he had a low opinion of anyone who didn't agree with him and throughout the conversation kept talking about his ex whilst nodding to a point behind me, which I guessed was a photo of her. I managed to avoid looking at it until he basically gave me no choice but to turn around and there was their wedding photo! Whilst he was clearing the dishes I got my son to ring me with an emergency, and sadly had to leave early! He kindly walked me to my car, commenting, as he walked behind me, that he loved a woman with a big arse....I never saw him again! (I did contact him to say I didn't think he was ready for dating)
Oh then there was the time I got dumped BEFORE our first date!
Then there was the one from the dating site, who stated he was single, which I found out to be untrue (actually the dating site is littered with them) the funny side of this is he was putting it about for several years then discovered his wife was doing the same and didn't see the irony of posting about her infidelity on his FB wall and complained about it!
Then there was the woman hater who thought people kept away from him due to an unfortunate skin condition....no they kept away from him due to the massive chip on his shoulder! (His mother has a lot to answer for).
Oh there was also the man who's idea of a perfect date was a take away at his, served on paper plates with wine in disposable cups sat at hospital bed tables (I kid you not!)
The man who sent me a picture of himself, then arrived on the island for a weekend looking 20 years older than said picture.
Or there is the one who over dinner confided in me that he liked his women to have intimate piercings.
There have also been those awkward moments when you have been chatted up by someone, in one case actually gone on a date with them, to have them come into the office you work in with their partner to register the birth of their newborn.....
The guy who left the island the day after one date (to be fair he did return ....with someone else)
There is also the time a promising relationship was ruined by Manx Telecom having a problem sending texts  which resulted in a text appearing on his phone under my name which wasn't sent by me (this is true, I even got MT to send me an email explaining what happened so I could forward it to him).
Oh and a known personality (only known on the island and even then d list) who basically wanted a harem of women who could cater to his every need, he was very upfront with this information.
There is also the Internet tart who, whilst dating me, was putting himself about quite a bit!
This list may seem very dire but please bear in mind it spans an 11 year period and there were good times in between the disasters, namely one who was great fun to be with and even rang my friend to let her know what we had just done in the thunderstorm, and the previously mentioned 2 friends! I am also still friends with a couple of the above mentioned disasters!
There may be more but I may have blocked them from my mind for being too traumatic......